Monday, December 12, 2011

Spilling the Beans...

I think I haven't blogged in nearly a month because I don't know what to to sum up life, my heart, over these past several weeks.

Baby is well. The nausea has lessened, but is still very much a part of each day. I am seeing my sinfulness 24/7. I'm a punk. A lot. I'm holding out for week 16. And I am trying to endure this season with joy, but like I said, sinfulness 24/7.

Little Man and The Engineer went on their first ever deer hunt with my brother-in-law. The Engineer shot a deer! Woo hoo. I'm afraid my boys may have found a new sport!

So, back to baby...we prayed for this little one for roughly a year and a half. I think I shared that we'd finally come to that place of wanting God's will, even if it meant something we didn't understand (like not having another baby)...

So while all that was going on, there was another big request, only this one went back a little further. A few years ago The Engineer set his sights on another job, very similar to what he's been doing, but in a plant where ground hadn't even been broken. At the time, it was all talk. 

A few years passed and ground was broken and The Engineer got really excited. The first time he spotted a job posting for said plant, he applied. And never heard back. And we were bummed. But, we had prayed that God would put us right where He wanted us and as disappointing as it was, the closed door was confirmation. And so we stayed.

Time went by and there was another job opening. We prayed about applying. We didn't sense God leading in that direction. We were content, happy to be right where we were. In fact, thankful to be right where we were. Frankly, as we talked about the possibility, neither of us could fathom leaving.

And so it seemed, by this fall, that two big things we'd wanted and pursued, God had closed the door on. And He had taught us contentment in those areas.

You might imagine our shock when, within a 24 hour period, we learned we were expecting AND The Engineer was asked to apply for...his dream job. The one he'd wanted so long ago.

When it all sank in, I wept. God didn't just open a door...He thrust open the floodgates and was pouring blessing upon blessing, all undeserved, upon us. And we were humbled and in awe and we couldn't stop smiling.

And so we prayed and he applied and a week ago Friday he interviewed. By the following Monday morning they called back and offered him the job. And so...come May, we'll be moving! It'll be the furthest we've been from family. Which has given us pause. And we are leaving the home we have so loved. And The Engineer is so excited. And I am excited. And I keep crying. And this, this is an adventure.

I watched my children singing at Bible Study last week and I got so choked up I couldn't speak and tears ran down my cheeks.

I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach when we told our precious neighbors (who happen to be some of our very closest friends)...and I cried when we told them.

I cried during church...because I love our church family. And I cried last night at our Sunday School Christmas party, practically "hickie-snot crying" (that's what we called it growing up when you cried really hard)...we were singing carols and I looked up at our dear friends and I pondered how loved we are and selfishly I thought, "where will we be this time next year?" And I almost had it together when a precious friend sat beside me and hugged me and cradled my head in her arms and kissed my forehead and well, I lost it.

And then it hit me, the Holy Spirit convicted my heart, "Do you really believe God is who He says He is? That He is good? That He works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose?" And with a trembling lip I had to say, "Yes. Yes, I do believe, I KNOW that God is good. I know that His plans are good. I KNOW that He is faithful."

So it's just really bittersweet. I am so happy for The Engineer. I've only seen him smile this big when we got married and our babies were born! It's a special kind of smile. I am so happy for the adventure that awaits our family. I'm so thankful we'll all get to go together. I'm thankful for the details of the relocation package and for God's provision in and through that. I'm so thankful for our dear friends here...and I am praying God will provide new, sweet friends.

It is incredibly freeing to rest in Him - knowing that whatever He has in store for us is good and that we can rest and trust Him. It's hard, but when my heart is anxious, it is a balm to my soul to remember Whose we are and that He is good.

I close my eyes at night and I can't sleep. My mind races over all that must be finished before we list our home. I pray and pray and pray for a sweet family to move in - who has young children, who all love to read - a family who would adore the library! A family who would love our home. And my thoughts race over prospective homes and I try to imagine our family there...the children running barefoot through the house...can I see them in the yard...where will we homeschool...where will we picnic? And I pray God will lead us, that He will make the path clear, and that we will obey.

Friends, I have missed y'all and I am thankful I get to take you with us come May!


  1. CONGRATULATIONS! What wonderful news for T and for your whole family. I know he must be so pleased to be able to provide for y'all in his dream job. That is awesome! I know you've made your town home, and so it will be hard to leave, but I'll be praying for y'all.

  2. Oh Jenn, I am so sad. Happy & sad. I know how wonderful this will be for the engineer but we will miss y'all so much. I will keep you in my prayers!! I can't wait to see what God has in store for y'all!!! xoxo

  3. Let's go eat some chips and salsa and cry! I am excited for you all too, but it is definitely bittersweet. Lucky to have you and your family in our lives.

  4. gosh, i so appreciate & respect your honesty. God is good & He knows your heart. and He knows you are tender & had roots and that there is indeed pain within the's going to be a great adventure for ya'll.
    thanks for sharing your heart

  5. Wow. You will be so very busy, but God will see you through it. Are you staying within your current state?

  6. Floodgates indeed! Isn't it just like God to pour out His blessings in such an awesome way. I can't wait to see the things... good things... that He has in store for your family in 2012!

  7. HI. I've only been reading your blog for the past couple months and honestly- not faithfully thanks to a four month old and a four year old. But I can see I am missing out. this post is very similar to one I did about a year ago. I was preggo with my 2nd child that I had fervently prayed for ; however, my nausea made me to ungrateful that I was disgusted with myself. So I can totally understand. And the new job bit- we are goin thru that now as we speak.

    I am really excited to be a new reader of your blog. I can already see your heart for Jesus and us moms need all the Jesus lovin friends and encouragement we can get.


  8. i sometimes look back on the hardest times in life and find that i was closest to Jesus. clinging is so good for us.

    you'll get through this. :)

  9. I do read your blog all the time, though have only commented once. I enjoy your posts and can relate so well to you and your family, even though our 4 kids are now in their 20's. But you can be sad and excited at the same time, for the same situation. I am anxious to follow your family on your new journey.

  10. Oh my soul! What a wonderful blessing!!! I cannot wait to hear more about it and hear where you guys are headed! Praise the Lord, praise the Lord! You guys are right in His will...what a wonderful place to be!!! Excited!!!

  11. The LORD will give you daily the grace you need my friend. What an exciting time for you all! Keep looking to the LORD for HIS guidance and strength...moment by moment. HE is Faithful!

    MUCH Love to you!

    P.S. I'm going offline until after Christmas. May the LORD bless you all with HIS peace and presence this Christmas and in the New Year. Merry Christmas! XO

  12. Wow - you definitely cannot deny God's plan in these details! What a wonderful place to be! I know that it will be so hard to leave such a wonderful home and friends. I will be praying for your transition in every way between now and May!

  13. Wow! Sad for y'all but so excited for y'all all at the same time. Can't wait to see the adventure God has planned for your sweet family. Thankful we can all keep up with the blog! :)

  14. I am friends with Abby Hutton & found your blog through hers. I know the bittersweet emotions of leaving friends & a wonderful church family for your husbands dream! God will bless you for it & I am excited for you!

  15. I am so happy for you! Mostly that you get the privilege of seeing your dreams fulfilled by God, because your hearts are aligned with His heart. That is a rare thing and a precious gift friend! Congratulations!

  16. Aw, Jen! I'm excited for you but I will miss you guys SO MUCH! Can we arrange a time during my Christmas break that I could at least say goodbye? I have something to give to you. I love you, dear friend!

  17. Yay!!! How exciting! Moving away from the familiar and your family will be hard, but I am so thankful that God led us down that same path. He has proven Himself to be our home, our eternal dwelling place! I think that would have always been a true concept in my mind, but it is now a deep truth of my heart. I look forward to seeing how He shows His face to new in new ways over the course of this adventure. :)

    P.S. You would really like Renee's blog (she commented above). I often think of you when I read her stories on homeschooling!

    P.S.S. When will you "reveal" where you are moving to??? :)

  18. Well, we are going through something very identical. After three years of believing I was forever settled in my little dream home - the home just two houses down from my sister, nieces and nephews - last week my husband was offered his dream job. He is so, so thrilled. And I rejoice with him, but as you say, it is bittersweet. We will be moving to Iowa this summer. So thank you for sharing and your faithful testimony - it's always good to know we're not alone and remind one another God is for us and His plan is the very best.

  19. J - As bittersweet as this time is and I so excited for yall! As someone who has moved 3 times since I've been married, I understand all the feelings. You may remember, we had such a hard time leaving Dothan, but on the other side, I see God's faithfulness through each situation. I also see a strengthened marriage, lasting memories, friends in numerous cities, and a stronger faith. Each time we have moved, God provided just what we needed at each location: a church home, friends, a house, etc and I am praying all those things for you and your family. Enjoy this journey because as I know you know, God has ordained it! Can't wait to read all about it.

  20. So many unknowns. I know that feeling. It boils down to control and trust. How are you going to trust and are you going to try to control it? It is so hard.

    Give yourself grace my friend. You are HORMONAL! This is a lot of change to take it.

    I understand and grieve with you about your friendships that will be changed. It is hard to leave family and friends. My heart still breaks when I think of my sweet friend, Rachel who lives days away from me now. I am so grateful there are blogs, email, texts and cell phones. It makes the world smaller.

    Hang in there, I know you are leaning on Jesus. He will keep you in the palm of His hand.

  21. Oh, Jenn. Your honesty is so very relatable to me. I would have the same joys, thoughts, worries, melancholy, and anticipation as you.

    But your family. You are doing this together. TOGETHER! What a blessing to face this adventure together. God is good.

    Blessings and hugs ... and deep breaths to you my friend!

  22. Nice post thanks for sharing...blessings soraya

  23. Just stopping by to let you know I am thinking of you and send you greetings for a WONDERFUL 2012!!

    Much Love to you my sweet friend.
    Camille xo

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