Spilling the Beans...

I think I haven't blogged in nearly a month because I don't know what to say...how to sum up life, my heart, over these past several weeks.

Baby is well. The nausea has lessened, but is still very much a part of each day. I am seeing my sinfulness 24/7. I'm a punk. A lot. I'm holding out for week 16. And I am trying to endure this season with joy, but like I said, sinfulness 24/7.

Little Man and The Engineer went on their first ever deer hunt with my brother-in-law. The Engineer shot a deer! Woo hoo. I'm afraid my boys may have found a new sport!

So, back to baby...we prayed for this little one for roughly a year and a half. I think I shared that we'd finally come to that place of wanting God's will, even if it meant something we didn't understand (like not having another baby)...

So while all that was going on, there was another big request, only this one went back a little further. A few years ago The Engineer set his sights on another job, very similar to what he's been doing, but in a plant where ground hadn't even been broken. At the time, it was all talk. 

A few years passed and ground was broken and The Engineer got really excited. The first time he spotted a job posting for said plant, he applied. And never heard back. And we were bummed. But, we had prayed that God would put us right where He wanted us and as disappointing as it was, the closed door was confirmation. And so we stayed.

Time went by and there was another job opening. We prayed about applying. We didn't sense God leading in that direction. We were content, happy to be right where we were. In fact, thankful to be right where we were. Frankly, as we talked about the possibility, neither of us could fathom leaving.

And so it seemed, by this fall, that two big things we'd wanted and pursued, God had closed the door on. And He had taught us contentment in those areas.

You might imagine our shock when, within a 24 hour period, we learned we were expecting AND The Engineer was asked to apply for...his dream job. The one he'd wanted so long ago.

When it all sank in, I wept. God didn't just open a door...He thrust open the floodgates and was pouring blessing upon blessing, all undeserved, upon us. And we were humbled and in awe and we couldn't stop smiling.

And so we prayed and he applied and a week ago Friday he interviewed. By the following Monday morning they called back and offered him the job. And so...come May, we'll be moving! It'll be the furthest we've been from family. Which has given us pause. And we are leaving the home we have so loved. And The Engineer is so excited. And I am excited. And I keep crying. And this, this is an adventure.

I watched my children singing at Bible Study last week and I got so choked up I couldn't speak and tears ran down my cheeks.

I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach when we told our precious neighbors (who happen to be some of our very closest friends)...and I cried when we told them.

I cried during church...because I love our church family. And I cried last night at our Sunday School Christmas party, practically "hickie-snot crying" (that's what we called it growing up when you cried really hard)...we were singing carols and I looked up at our dear friends and I pondered how loved we are and selfishly I thought, "where will we be this time next year?" And I almost had it together when a precious friend sat beside me and hugged me and cradled my head in her arms and kissed my forehead and well, I lost it.

And then it hit me, the Holy Spirit convicted my heart, "Do you really believe God is who He says He is? That He is good? That He works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose?" And with a trembling lip I had to say, "Yes. Yes, I do believe, I KNOW that God is good. I know that His plans are good. I KNOW that He is faithful."

So it's just really bittersweet. I am so happy for The Engineer. I've only seen him smile this big when we got married and our babies were born! It's a special kind of smile. I am so happy for the adventure that awaits our family. I'm so thankful we'll all get to go together. I'm thankful for the details of the relocation package and for God's provision in and through that. I'm so thankful for our dear friends here...and I am praying God will provide new, sweet friends.

It is incredibly freeing to rest in Him - knowing that whatever He has in store for us is good and that we can rest and trust Him. It's hard, but when my heart is anxious, it is a balm to my soul to remember Whose we are and that He is good.

I close my eyes at night and I can't sleep. My mind races over all that must be finished before we list our home. I pray and pray and pray for a sweet family to move in - who has young children, who all love to read - a family who would adore the library! A family who would love our home. And my thoughts race over prospective homes and I try to imagine our family there...the children running barefoot through the house...can I see them in the yard...where will we homeschool...where will we picnic? And I pray God will lead us, that He will make the path clear, and that we will obey.

Friends, I have missed y'all and I am thankful I get to take you with us come May!