Ten

01.03.02

6:30pm

I remember that day like it was yesterday...we totally thought we were the exception. That we wouldn't fight and when we did, we'd be quick to forgive. That it wouldn't be like that for us. We were different and we were really in love.

It took less than 48 hours for that spell to be broken.

And can I just tell you that this season in our lives is insane. And we didn't get married and live "happily ever after." They don't tell you no one really does that. And there are certainly happy times, many, many of them! But there are hard times, too. And there are painful times. And we cut one another deeply. And life cuts us deeply. And the heart is an amazing thing...with both the capacity to rejoice and ache deeply. Often at the same time.

This season of life has come with it's own challenges...and it's been hard...a long prayed for pregnancy (lots of nausea), the unexpected, but exciting job change and upcoming move, preparing to put our house on the market - aka projects GALORE, homeschool, going and going and going...and my own sweet mama has been sick and in the hospital. Her Christmas vacation stay with us has been extended due to a bout with pancreatitis and a gallbladder removal. After being incredibly sick and an almost week long hospital stay, she is recovering well and we are thankful to God. The Engineer has his own stresses at work. All this to say, life is insane and I am so, so, so thankful for this man. I am so, so, so thankful he is mine and I am his.

There is no other who can compare. He has taught me so much about love. True love. How often do we sin against one another and it's his prompting, his grabbing my hand, and running with me to the cross, that brings such sweet forgiveness and cleansing? How he can forgive and forgive and forgive...I am so thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit in his heart...for his obedience to Christ.

I'm so thankful for ten years of marriage to this man. There is no other I can fathom spending my life with. There is something deeply moving about knowing he knows me so well, even some of the depths of my depravity, and yet he still loves me. This marriage, my husband, is a picture of Christ to me.

I never dreamed it would be so hard. I had no idea what a selfish and self-centered brat I was (and am). Oh, how marriage can point out one's love of all things self. And I am a lover of self.

To my darling Engineer...on this day...ten years after saying "I do," I don't think I've ever been so thankful to call you mine and to know that I am yours. I feel like we're on a roller coaster - especially with trying to finish all the projects we'd begun on the house...there have been so many crazy twists and turns and ups and downs...and I'm past grinning and screaming at the thrill...I struggle to muster a smile. I am tired and I am weary. And you, you lift my chin and you remind me that this is only for a season. You look into my eyes and tell me "we are going to enjoy this because it will all be over soon." And you pray with me and for me. And you are compassionate. And I am thankful.

Thank you for speaking truth into my life, even when you know it's not what I want to hear. Thank you for loving me, even and especially when I am my most unloveable. Thank you for being steady. Thank you for sacrificing your life for mine in a million ways everyday. I love that you still fix me a glass of water every night before bed...that you still put toothpaste on my toothbrush morning and night...and that you still unload the dishwasher...Every. Single. Morning. You make me smile. And I love you so much.

Happy tenth anniversary, my love.