Welcome to the World baby b!

Oh me…I’ve been out for a while. That’s pretty typical. I usually go a few weeks without a post and them bam…several in a row. Feast or famine, huh?

I was out of town last week, welcoming my new little nephew into the world. What an emotional rollercoaster this has been! My little sister called me last Monday afternoon to tell me she was going in for a c-section Tuesday morning…so I ran around like a crazy woman packing and laundering and making arrangements to be away for a few days. Then it hit me…the unique situation in which I’d find myself.

You may remember me sharing earlier on my blog about how proud I am of my baby sister – this has been a fine line to walk. Ground I’ve never tread before. I’m certain my perspective and outlook haven’t been exactly as the Lord would have them to be during this season, but I’m certainly trying to see through His eyes and to love as He loves…so here I go…settle in and get comfy, I fear this will be a long post…

My little sister, A, came home for Christmas break…pregnant. I love my dear little sister. All of us are sinners and my little sister is no exception. Unlike it is for many girls, the consequence for this particular sin made more than a deep mark on her heart, it brought forth a child. A totally could have ended that little life right then and there. No one would have known. But she is bigger than that, tougher than that. She decided, and she was firm in her decision, not to "end someone else’s life to make her own easier," and those were her words to me. So with humility and boldness, she bore the outward consequence of her sin and carried her baby to term. Many suggestions were thrown her way…if you’ve been pregnant you know that anyone and everyone feels at liberty to say things they have no business saying…add in A’s circumstances, and it didn’t just rain, it poured! I’ve watched my little sister become quite the responsible young woman over the course of the last nine months. She has made life-altering decisions and has stood by them. Not aborting the baby, quickly followed by her determination to keep this baby and to raise him are HUGE. I am so proud of her. She has not taken “the easy way out.” Yes, she got pregnant out of wedlock. No, she and the baby’s father are not married. Nor are they living together. So as a Christian, how do I respond biblically to all of this? Do I point a finger and judge? Is it okay to rejoice with her? I mean, she’s pregnant. There is life that is precious to God growing inside of her! It’s done. But if I celebrate and am excited, do those emotions and reactions say I approve of the "how," of the circumstances? Should I even be blogging about his? Ahh...but it's life, real life. It's the stuff you don't see behind the white picket fence. So much to juggle!

There have been many ups and downs. When A told me on the phone that she was pregnant, I knew that God had placed that little life in her womb. Yes, by her choices and actions. She is responsible. However, God was knitting that baby together. I know that God is sovereign. I know that God was not and is not surprised by this. Some missionary friends of ours encouraged us to “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” This has definitely been a season of rejoicing AND mourning. There have been highs and lows.

A few weeks before A was due, I heard a child sing Amazing Grace. This wasn’t just any child, this was a child who’d been conceived out of wedlock, a child who, apart from the love of friends, would never have set foot in a church…as I watched this child singing Amazing Grace, verse by verse, those walls of fear and dread and even condemnation began to crumble. By the end of the hymn, I had to run the bathroom and hide myself in a stall. I couldn’t stop the tears. I sobbed from deep within. There, was a child born out of wedlock to a woman who had made that bold decision to uphold life, and God is doing mighty things in that child’s heart. He cares for that child and is moving in that child’s heart. Not even a sparrow falls apart from the will of God. If He cares for the sparrows, how much more does He care for A’s little one?

I think that was the point at which I completely rounded the corner and was able to freely rejoice, without feeling the bindings of the worries and cares of what others might think. Oh the journey! So my heart has been changed in all of this. God does amazing things, even in the midst of our sin. A’s little one, has been created in the image of God. Rejoice, for this little one’s life! Rejoice, for God can do GREAT things in and through this little one! Rejoice, again, I say rejoice! And love, love, love A and her baby. Love them in thought and word and deed. Concerning her pregnancy, I’d tried to open my arms and love A, but with the hidden fear in my heart over what others might think of my accepting her, sin and all. Oh what foolishness! I am sad to say those thoughts ever crossed my mind, or my heart! Christ died for me while I was yet a sinner! He didn’t require that I clean up my act before falling at His feet. No, in the midst of my sin, He reached down to me and saved me. Not because I deserved it. Not because I was “pretty good.” Not because my life was neat and tidy. No, He saved me because He LOVES me! He LOVES ME! HE LOVES ME! And He loves A and her little one! Oh yes, He hates sin, but He made a way for sinners. He came to heal the sick and the broken. Friend, we are all broken.

With unrestrained joy, I prepared to head out of town!

So, bringing this back together, as I ran around like a crazy woman, I realized this would be no ordinary situation…I’d be away from home, without my husband, in a waiting room with my Mom and my Dad, did I mention this would be the first time I’d seen them together since their divorce? (And only one other time in the last three and a half years…) Also, A’s boyfriend’s family would be there…suddenly the joy disappeared and I felt like I was going to throw up my heart. I know that sounds strange, but truly, I got sweaty and nervous and I even felt a little angry. Shortly after this near meltdown, T called. We discussed the situation (more like, I begged) and he was given two days off so he could accompany me. Oh the joy and delight I felt just knowing he’d be there. Just knowing He would be my defender, should I need defending. He’d be my protector. He would be my confidant, my knight in shinning armor. Thank You, Father, for my husband!

So we loaded the car and the kiddos and we pulled out. Tuesday morning found me and T, mom, K, and A fighting for bathroom space at 4am – B, A’s boyfriend and the baby’s father (as in, one and the same), picked A up at 4:30am and off we all headed for the hospital. By the time our car load got there, A and B were already back in a room preparing…and Mom, T, K, and I crashed in the waiting room. Fast forward to 6:30am, we’re ALL in the waiting room. Mom, K, T, my Dad and grandfather, B’s mom and dad, brother, and grandmother…and this funny thing happened. This thing I hadn’t expected…it was okay. It was okay. We all sat in the same area. We cracked a few jokes, poured a few cups of coffee, and then we heard it…at 6:52am this sweet lullaby came on over the speakers and the receptionist announced, “we’ve got a baby.” A few minutes later we were ushered through the double doors…there at the end of the hall stood B, holding his son, baby b. Suddenly instead of being this broken and hurt, divided group of people, there was something bigger than all of us, a new baby. We were united in welcoming this precious little life into the world. We nearly ran down the hall, eager to lay eyes on this little one. The next few hours flew by. All of us found ourselves, once again, together, gazing through a narrow strip of nursery glass separating us from B and baby b. We crowded together, anxious for a glance. And for the most part, it was okay. The fear of being together with Mom and Dad…it was okay. A and baby b did great! All went as expected! Thank You, Father!

Around lunch-time Mom, K, T, and I decided to step out for a bite to eat. Dad asked if he could join us. It was strange. We all rode the elevator together. Together we walked to the cafeteria, and together, we found it was closed. Together, we piled into Mom’s car – the same car she had before Dad moved out, the same car we’d made the “college trips” in. It was strange. We ate at a fast food joint. We all sat at the same table. I almost wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I felt really nervous. Here we were, together, but not really together, but for a few minutes, I could almost pretend they weren’t divorced, that Dad didn’t have a girl friend, that we’d never waded through those trenches of brokenness, that we were whole. So we ate together, laughing at the way the buffalo sauce made my head sweat, which, by the way, is an indicator of how good it was! And after lunch, we piled back into Mom’s car and returned to the hospital. And it was over. No more pretending. The charade came to an abrupt halt. Of course, I still wonder if I was the only one playing.

So…without waxing on and on…welcome to the world baby b! Congratulations sweet sister. I am so proud of you. I am proud to see you mature greatly in the last several months. I am proud to see you caring more about baby b than you care about yourself. It is precious to watch you lay down your life for your child. It is a love like no other. As I stood outside that nursery window at the hospital a glimpse of what might have been passed over my heart…had you chosen differently and not stood firm for his life, we wouldn’t have been gathered there, celebrating. Thank you for being brave. What a miracle his life is! I am eager and excited to see him grow! A, you are doing great! Hang in there. I love you and I am cheering for you!

So T went home on the second day and left me and the kiddos with family. T’s parents cared for our children, thus freeing me up to help out with baby b. K’s plans to return to her home were altered when her ac went out…COMPLETELY! All in all, we had 6 nights together! Yee-haw! Oh sweet sisters! I have missed you both so much! And I love you dearly!

And A - you are a stinkin' movie star! Back in her jeans on day four! Do you hear me??? DAY FOUR!!! Coming home from the hospital in her glamorous sunglasses - A, they're fetch! hee, hee! Um, did I mention she was back in her regular jeans on day FOUR!!!!!???? Isn't that illegal???? It should be! Ugh!

So that is what’s been going on in my life…and for some reason, I always feel I must post chronologically, as in, if I haven’t posted about this, which was a big event requiring a bit of heart reflecting, I can’t post about the “daily things” that happened between the big event and today….make sense? I’m referring to things like MW waking in the middle of the night, screaming out…me nearly falling as I bound up the stairs and then finding her, pajamas pulled down, sitting on the upholstered chair in her bedroom, thinking it was the toilet. I yanked her up and begged her to stop. She paused momentarily, and then showered the carpet in her bedroom…oh dear!