Twelve Words

Once again, The Engineer is rocking my world. He has a gentleness about him that unravels me. And He is wise.

I'd told the children for the umpteenth time to, "clean up." Specifically, I told one child to put their shoes away. Said child's shoes ended up in the general direction of "put away," but they were certainly not "put away."

The Engineer and I walked in the room and I sighed audibly and began complaining. First about the shoes and then the general messes these kids make and "why won't they just obey and clean up?" I was quickly running down the "woe is me" path. Rather than join or affirm my martyr syndrome, he lovingly looked at me and said, "We have children. There are going to be shoes on the floor."

Of course, there was an obedience issue to be dealt with, but those two sentences, those twelve words, have hugely challenged me. He is right. We have children and they live here and there will be shoes on the floor. And books on the sofa. And piles of dirty clothes. Cabinet doors will be left open. Water dripping. Toilets unflushed. Concoctions will be made. Balls will get stuck in bushes and footballs will land on the roof. Furniture and blankets will become makeshift tents and dolls will be left out...how else do you play, "orphanage?" Diapers will stink and dishes will be dirtied. Wet towels will be left on the floor. All faster than I can keep up. And they are young. And this is where they learn and begin to shape their life habits. And my attitude has a tremendous impact on the direction and temperament of these little people in our home. They are still children. "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child." 

Why oh why oh why do I often expect them to act differently? These years are but a season. Sister is at the nine year mark. That's half of eighteen. It is flying by! These years in our home are a time to train and direct in establishing habits of both heart and body. And so I am taking a deep breath and reminding myself that training takes time and no habit is made overnight. It is good and right to walk with them and encourage them as we teach them. It's sowing and reaping. We always reap later and greater.

And so I am asking God to change my heart and attitude in this regard. I don't want to sow seeds of frustration and discontentment. Again, The Engineer humbles me in the most precious of ways. I am so thankful for that man. 

And because of Christ's work on the cross and because He is faithful to finish that which He began, I have hope. Change in my hard heart is possible. {smile}

A Little Happy

This is love...The Engineer vacuuming out my car. Every single bit of my car. I love this man. I love the ways he loves me.

And a bit of whimsy...of happy! It's taken me a few months - and I'm still rearranging (but I think I'll always be rearranging) - to figure out the where and how of our stuff. I love these big lights. I've had them for years...about six, I think. I remember a friend inviting me to drive an hour and a half to what was at the time the nearest Target. I snagged them then and my time in the store was cut short by a massive potty training accident in the maternity section on the carpet. Funny what we remember. I can still see the look on her face like it was yesterday. 

These used to hang between our house and garage. They were a happy welcome home to The Engineer, especially when he worked late into the night. They lit many a night with friends. Now they spread their warmth and cheer on a little tree beside our back door. I plug them in at dusk and smile every time I pass by.

Our oven - oh! Our oven. It's a bit of a nightmare. I've finally figured out if I drop the temp by 100 degrees and the cooking time by about half, we do okay, but not always. I'd given up on making bread. Every loaf turned out a burned brick. (And after a lot of tries, that made me cry...and cuss.) Last week I made two loaves...and they were a tiny bit brick like, but my family deemed them edible. Hooray!!! And my children were so happy to have homemade bread again. I think it might just nurture more than their physique.

Signs of life. Of grace. See the stick poking out of Little Man's pack? It is NOT a weapon. He promised me. It's in case he needs it to hold onto while he "army man crawls." But really, these are signs of life. Happy signs of life. And of God's grace to us.

More signs of life and grace. On the coffee table. Our two favorite games. Do you have Spot It? You need Spot It. EVERYONE (readers and non readers - our entire family!) can play Spot It! Some sweet new friends gave it to Sister for her birthday and immediately, it became our favorite. Thanks friends!!!

And more signs of life. I am so thankful we get to go shopping. That we get to buy all this food. I am so thankful for the Lord's provision. What do we have that He has not given!?

A big shout out to Sister! This chick is tearing through some books. We are talking reading late into the night and during every spare second. Like - skipping out on a movie with her siblings because she'd "rather read." Makes me smile so big my face hurts.

Totally unrelated to these photos...a friend introduced me to the greatest stick on bra ever. Like - it's changed my life. You can buy it at Target. It's re-usable. It's awesome. So...we are in church and we are raising our hands for the benediction and I am keenly aware of the absence of something. My dress has a slight gather around the waist and I think I see what is missing resting inside my dress, atop said gathering. It's poking out, lumping out awkwardly. I try to discretely shift this stick on item back into place, but it's useless. There is no stick. 

Before applying said item earlier that morning, I discovered a chunk was missing out of one side of the sticky material. I reasoned that since the item must be washed and left out to air dry, a child had probably dug out a chunk. Whatev. Not the greatest, but nothing to lose sleep over. I figured it would still work just as well. 

But realizing I had to make it out in the midst of a crowd with this bra pooling in my dress - well it made me realize that the missing chunk was kind of a big deal. I shifted the item up a little higher and pinned it to me using my coffee cup for support (no pun intended) and bee-lined for the bathroom. I made some adjustments. Gave the bra some air...hoped that would lend enough "re-sticking" of the sticky to make it hang in there for Sunday School. I followed the application directions - all in the stall, but not the same one I overflowed. I don't use that bathroom anymore. The item stuck! Yay!

By the time class was over and I was rounding up kids, it was falling off again. But this time I kind of caught it and was able to hold it in place in the middle with my coffee cup, you know, just hugging my journal and all to my chest. Trying to act like everything's all good and I'm just hugging everything to me...

I'm talking with a friend. Our girls are playing in the parking lot. Our husbands are waiting in the car. It was an intense conversation. And that stinkin' bra. I finally had to confess I was distracted by my bra just chillin' in my dress.

I got in our car, yanked that sucker out and went sans. The Engineer took us to lunch. I jokingly commented that I sure hoped my dress didn't get yanked down 'cause it was the only thing between me and the world.

Little Bit - and how did she go from that baby picture to the shot above - oh they grow so fast!!! She decided she wanted to sit on my lap. I gave her the okay. Before I realized what was happening, she grabbed the top of my dress, right in the middle, and pulled it down to hoist herself up. And there we were. There we were. My recovery was fast. But y'all, there. We. Were. 

Progress since Labor Day Weekend: zero. Life is too busy. I played on the wall with a sample color...and then Sister painted the crying lady. I thought that was funny, given the words on the wall.

Getting latex off oil is no joke. If you're into funky textures, our trim is pretty awesome. We've decided to take the doors down and strip them to the bare wood. Unfortunately, we can't just get one layer off. But, as The Engineer pointed out, they will look so nice stripped and then painted. No more chips, etc. Yay! And maybe soon, really soon, I'll make time to sand and sand.

It happened - like four showers ago - my hair stopped falling out by the clump/handful. I think the post-partum shedding is over. And that makes me so happy. It lifts my heart. I felt a physical relief, like my heart took a deep sigh and I smiled. 

So anyway. That was really nice. And for now, at least, we'll keep on living in this crazy mess of peach.

'Cause that's how we roll.

Happy Wednesday, Y'all!!!

A Few Firsts...and my Sous Chef!

We've had our share of firsts around here. These photos mark the first day of Classical Conversations. This is something new to us and I am so thankful for it!

Little Bit refused to be part of the picture. She and Little Man joined us for the first few weeks of CC as 3-P and Kindergarten hadn't yet begun.

I do miss Tapestry (which we did last year and LOVED!), but we are loving CC, too. Once a week Sister is in a classroom with her peers (and moi and their mamas). A tutor introduces the new "grammar" for that week - there's something for history/timeline (you can see the timeline cards on the table in the pic. above), science, scripture memory, Latin, math, English grammar, and geography. During the four or so hours we are there she begins memorizing/learning this information. Each student is required to give a 2-3 minute presentation in front of the class. It's intense. It's good. She loves it.

Scout chillin' while we're schoolin'.

The hardest part has been making new friends. The little girls in her class have spent the last three years together. They're tight. It's tough. We've had some tears. And we press on.

I'm trying to figure out how to streamline school - how do you homeschool and tend to the dailies of life? The laundry and meal planning? The ironing? The cleaning? How do you keep things running smoothly on the home front and pour education and life into your children? I wish there was a formula.

If there's anything I'm learning, it's that God's grace really is sufficient and all of life is education. He guides and He leads and He provides. I question how hard to push? What does grace look like in each situation, each day? Sometimes grace is lightening up, smiling, and teasing. Sometimes grace is pushing to muscle through, holding her feet to the fire. Lord, give me wisdom!

One morning this week, my heart sank. I checked over her copy work. There were mistakes. It had to be re-done. It pained me to hand it back to her and tell her to do it over. I assured her I wasn't upset with her, but on copy work - that's the only time she's to copy everything exactly, or it must be redone. If there is even one mistake after she turns it in, it must be recopied in its entirety. Harsh? Maybe. Is she learning to be careful and to check back over her work? I think so.

She is LOOOOOVING history and geography. Like, L.O.V.I.N.G. it!!! I am, too. Sometimes I feel so dumb. I cannot tell you what educating Sister at home has done for my own book smarts. I'm learning all sorts of things - like what made up the Fertile Crescent and the Assyrian Empire and even the Hebrew Empire. I can't point them out on a map quite as fast as Sister, but I'm getting there.

So...we are pounding it out. Trying to get into a rhythm. Thankful for His grace. Ultimately, I am thankful to be home doing this. Thankful for the privilege it is to learn. Thankful to snuggle and read on the sofa. I am thankful to be there to see the lights come on in her mind as a new concept clicks. It's hard. It's so hard. Sometimes I think we've lost our minds. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am thankful. Though it is hard, it is good. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I walked upstairs one morning a few weeks ago and was struck by the light in this space. Hello 1963. This is the main bath upstairs. One day we'll tackle it. For now, it's charm is growing on me. It's a happy little place. I wonder how many children have bathed in this very tub? 

The majority of the walls in this house are plaster and have picture molding. The Engineer has forbidden me from putting a single hole in the plaster. Eventually we will order picture chain and hooks and utilize the picture molding. For now, anything you see hanging on plaster is hanging on a pre-existing nail. (Hence some of the odd arrangements found throughout our abode.) But the den, one day library, is all wood paneling. Sans the picture molding. So I went to town...trouble is, there's a frequently used door on that wall...so the pictures hang crooked 24/7. It's a little bit ironic, don't you think?

You know you're a mom when...you collect your kids' gum...and their friend's.

A dear college friend came with her four children and spent some time with us a few weeks ago.

We had a sweet time together and got to share our hearts.

I am thankful for friend's like her.

Their last full day with us we loaded up and headed to a splash pad/amphitheater spot to picnic and play.

We wore those babies out! 

Mine, hers, hers, mine, hers, mine, hers...

Thank y'all for such a great visit!!! We love you and miss you!!!

I'd shared some about Little Bit being rather, um, disobedient...a bit of a trouble maker. Through a conversation with a friend, it hit me - when Sister was three, we were taking walks in the wagon, collecting leaves, picking flowers, reading 24/7. She was my "helper" in the kitchen. We were coloring and painting and playing. All. Day. Long. Little Man was a newborn. She was helping me "mommy" him.

What is Little Bit's life like these days? Well, they aren't like it was for Sister. I'm trying to teach older children and am giving her coloring books and puzzles, sometimes I stick her in front of an episode of Dora or I'll send her to play alone. I read to her, but not nearly as much as I read to the older children. 

So I decided to try a little something, to go out of my way to fill her little love cup by playing with her and treating her like a three year old...by giving her more one on one...

And so I asked her to help me in the kitchen. She is now my official sous chef. She makes lots of work and she is happy and thriving and her tendencies towards blatant disobedience are certainly still present, but I think are maybe lessened a bit.

I think my three year old wanted to be a three year old. Imagine that? How did I miss this??? If she hears me in the kitchen, regardless of what she's involved in, she comes rushing in and says, "I want to hewp wou!" 

And we have dance parties while we cook! Like, all out dance parties! (Which really just means jumping up and down in one spot and smiling really big!)

And then the younger two had their first day of school. This was actually orientation.

Little Bit wasn't so happy. Little Man was eager. Sister was along for the ride.

It was a totally overwhelming day that found me fighting tears on multiple occasions. 

Think: Totally new to me school, no clue where to go, who was staff/parents - it was extremely overwhelming!!! One child skinned both knees on two different occasions in the 45 minutes we were there. That same child had a total melt down over not getting a treat bag, because one sibling did get a treat bag.

A different child had a complete throw down fit because a sibling was playing with something he/she wanted - mind you, this is while I am sitting at the table with the teacher going over paperwork for the year, I called said child to me for correction and the child proceeded to yell at me, slam their fists down in a pumping action, and tell me I was wrong...so I had to excuse myself and take this child to the bathroom for a little talk. I was mortified. I know my heart should be more grieved over this child's sin, but the truth is, my pride was wounded. Bleeding. I was so embarrassed. SO embarrassed. 

And then, someone asked Sister where she goes to school, she replied, "I am homeschooled." The person asking commented, "So, you must just be taking the day off." But it was in a very disapproving tone. And it hurt. I know in my head the only approval I need is the Lord's. As long as we are being obedient to His call on our lives, that's whose opinion matters. That's what matters. But this person's words stung. Sister didn't take the day off. She started at 7:30 so she would be finished before orientation at 11:30. And though we began early, we still had more to do when we got home.

By the time we were heading to the car, my pride was severely wounded. MY pride. It's a bitter pill to swallow. I was quite teary. The younger two were crying - audibly. And halfway out to the car, as the younger two were completely losing it, Sister walked over to me and took my purse and the stack of paperwork and walked the rest of the way to the car alone. She freed my full hands of all she could. She loaded all my junk and calmly waited for the rest of us. 

At that point, she was my hero! And my heart swelled with thanks for an eight year old girl who saw her mama on the verge of collapsing and reached out and helped in the best way she knew. I thanked her. With tears in my eyes.

Tuesday was their first day of school. It was a GREAT DAY!!! That night, as I tucked Little Man into bed, I asked if he was excited about going to school the next morning. He burst into tears and said, "But mama, I already went to kindergarten. I want to homeschool." Wednesday was good. Thursday he got in the car in tears. Friday was ok. There are some little guys in his class who are tight. And Little Man is the new kid. It's hard being the new kid. 

Little Bit, on the other hand, is LOVING school, her teacher, and her class - which consists of four little girls total, including Little Bit, and it's only twice a week.

Being a mama is hard. I am sad to see him head off to school each day. I am thankful this decision is only for this year. And I am thankful for a wise husband who ultimately called this shot. The Engineer is a good man and he loves the Lord and us dearly. He takes his role as a husband and father and provider seriously. Though my heart aches, I am seeking to rest in my husband's lead and to submit. I don't do that well. 

Whew...y'all still with me? Now a question - I use igoogle/google reader to manage my blog reading. igoogle will not be available after November 1. Help! What should I switch to??? What do you use?