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Happy Birthday Little Bit!!!

You are a treasure. An absolute gift from God. I cannot fathom life without you. I still vividly remember our shock and delight when we found out you were on the way. You should know your sister prayed and prayed that God would give us you. She prayed specifically, that you would be a girl. And she has loved you deeply from the day we told her you were growing inside me. She has smothered you with love and kisses from the moment she learned of God knitting you together. She loves you so much.

And oh the joy you bring to our family. You are so easy going. You have a ready smile. As soon as Sister and Little Man hear you cooing in your crib, it's a mad dash to see who can get to you first. Sometimes they scare me with their intense love for you.

Sister loves to tote you around and she loves to "babysit" you. She reads to you and picks out your clothes and fixes your hair. She gives you gifts on a daily basis. Yurtle the paper plate turtle might be your favorite. Every time I am holding you and you spot your brother or sister, you shout, "uh-huh-huh-huh-huh" and kick your legs with glee.

Little Man protects you from "de bad gu-whys" and teaches you all about his wooden guns.

Watching your daddy with you melts my heart. You hold a special place in his.

You are pure and simply, a joy. I am so thankful God gave us you.

It is my prayer and my hope that you will come to know Jesus while you are still a young girl - that you will not remember a day when you did not love Him. I pray that even now, He is working in your heart, that you may in time, come to a full understanding of the depth of His love for His children, and that you will unreservedly give your heart and your life to Him. He is our only hope, sweet girl. And He is the only One who will never let you down. He is good and I want you to love Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

You are a good and precious gift from above. You have made our lives so much richer and fuller. You have multiplied love. We love you and we thank God for this wonderful first year with you. Happy Birthday precious baby girl!

Saturday some of the fam gathered at Bobo's to celebrate this wonderful occasion.

What a precious time it was. Little Man settled in Grandpa's lap to hear his stories about fighting in Iwo Jima. (I think it was the only time your bro was quiet all day.)

Bobo and Aunt K made a yummy appetizer.

Aunt K's birthday banner (thank you, K!) graced the sideboard, which was laden with gifts for you and Sister, and a few for Little Man.

You were the quintessential first birthday girl and, as always, you charmed everyone with your sweet smile.

You're pulling up on everything and will be taking your first steps in no time.

Grandpa joined you on the floor for a little exploration. He crawled at your side for some time. He thinks you're something special. We all do.

We had two cakes...one for you and sister - and you grabbed at the flames and didn't know what to do...

and one just for you. Little Man blew out your candle immediately. Way to help out big bro!

At first you barely touched the sprinkles. Then a bit of icing made its way to your mouth.

With a little help from your adoring siblings...

you mutilated that cake!

Sister got some cool shades...

as did Brother.

And you got some fun toys!

You wowed us all with your cruising abilities!

As well as your riding abilities.

And at the end of your par-tay, Sister grabbed the tulle that had graced your high chair and decorated Grandma, the bride, for an impromptu wedding. How appropriate since the bride and groom have only been married roughly 60 years. (smile)

Well Little Bit, it was a grand event! You are one special girl and you are loved much!

Happy first birthday!!!

Uno

Dear Warrior,

Happy first birthday! I have never been more thrilled to see an animal turn one! (We're that much closer to the end of the puppy stage!)

Now, when I began writing your birthday letter, I'd planned to list out your every fault. As you know, this last year has been rather intense. Your presence has been the source of much conflict, many tears, and hurt feelings, a total martyr syndrome on my part, and quite frankly, a lot of anger. The husband and I have been through a little counseling with the pastor because every time you ruined another thing, every time I had to wipe tears brought on by you, or clean poop, or open that darn gate, I held it against T and I burned with anger. Oh yes, your presence has given me a fresh look at how completely depraved I really am. You light my fuse like nothing else ever has. In fact, I didn't know I could be as angry as I have been regarding your sheer existence in our home - or rather, what your existence has added to my plate.

So, as I was writing your birthday letter, a funny thing happened. A rather peculiar thing, at that. I sat before the computer hacking away all the reasons I have to be angry at you...and as I typed and listed and the bitterness, which was at times disguised with humor, spilled onto the computer screen, my heart got sad. And it kept getting sadder until I found myself bawling. As I listed your every offense and T's every response, I was confronted with something.

I was confronted with my very broken and humble husband who has, on multiple occasions, apologized, stating that if he had things to do over, he would not have gotten you when he did. He would've listened more carefully to my reasons for why the timing of you was not a good idea. He has apologized and asked me to forgive him. I have told him I forgive him. But while typing I realized, I hadn't really forgiven him. I was holding everything you've ruined up and saying, "once you make this right and fix that and replace everything that dog has ruined, once you restore order to the things Warrior has made chaotic, once you grovel, then, then and only then, will I forgive you!" See, I had this idea in my heart that if he was really sorry, he'd run like crazy trying to fix everything you've ruined - the children's bikes, the trim on the house, all the plants out back, the grass in the backyard, the parts to my pump, the children's clothes you've bitten into and ripped...once he made it all right, then I would happily forgive him. After all, he must know and experience the depths of my frustration.

The Holy Spirit confronted me with the truth that Jesus doesn't tell me He'll forgive me once I make all my sins right. He doesn't say, "get your act cleaned up, do good for a while, and then come to me." He says, "you broken, dirty, filthy child, RUN to me. I long to forgive you and to clothe you in my righteousness so that you can be in relationship with the living God."

Dirty, broken, and filthy, He called me.

I have not loved my husband as God has called me to. I have not loved him as Jesus has loved me. I had not forgiven him. I have lorded his decision over him and sought, yes, I sought, to make his life miserable regarding you, Warrior.

And I felt so justified, because quite frankly, you have made my life miserable. Especially the first six months.

So I had to go to him and tell him these things. And it was awful. And I am still struggling, wanting to pull out "the list." I couldn't even apologize without falling.

I am thankful God has shown me my sin in this. It is great. And I am even more thankful that God forgives and is gracious and merciful, even though He sees the total depths of my depravity.

Unfortunately, seeing my sin for what it is and confessing and repenting isn't a "cure all." I am still struggling to forgive. To stop expecting payment for the wrongs suffered. Life is messy. As T told me the other morning - and it is my favorite thing he has ever said to me - "What are two sinners to do, but grab hands and run to Jesus together."

We are running.

Happy first birthday, Warrior.

Six

Dear sweet, Sister,

Do you know what happened six years ago today? Six years ago this morning, at 3:54am, to be exact? God, in His providence and goodness, gave us you.

We had prayed for you for a long time. We'd carried the hope of a baby in our hearts for what felt like an eternity.

You should know the sweet story of your arrival. It was a grand event!

I'd spent all day on the 21st with a close friend. She agreed to drive me to my doctor's appointment so that when your daddy got off work and joined me, we'd be in one car, instead of two.

The only thing was that her husband, who your daddy carpooled with, had the same idea, and dropped your daddy off at the doctor's office.

I was the last patient to be seen that day, and when I went back, the doctor shared the wonderful news that you were indeed, on the way! I was so happy I cried!

I'll never forget walking out with the doctor and the last nurse there. All the lights were out and the office was quiet. We stepped into the waiting room and who was there waiting to greet us, but our dear friends who'd dropped us off.

They rejoiced with us in the wonderful news that we'd soon be meeting you! And then they went back to our house, cleaned it from top to bottom, including the sink full of dirty dishes I'd left, and dare I admit this on the www, but they also picked up the dead roaches I was too chicken to pick up myself - I was waiting for your daddy to come home and deal with that (I've grown up a little since then), and they prepped the house for the stampede of family. The Mrs. even finished packing my hospital bag and they delivered it along with our vehicle.

While all that was going on, I got checked in and we called the fam. I hear your Bobo never finished dinner so fast!

Everyone came to meet you! They were all SO EXCITED!!! I distinctly remember Bobo cracking the hospital room door and squealing! Let's see, Grandma J, Grandpa J, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, both my sisters (one of whom drove all night long - in a thunderstorm - or am I making that part up? And she definitely got lost and had to stop at a gas station where the attendant asked what someone like her was doing in that part of town at that hour...but finally, she arrived!) and my baby sister's boyfriend. (I doubt he'll every forget that experience.) Add in a sprinkling of church friends and it was a precious gathering - all to rejoice in God's goodness in the gift of you!

Shortly after you made your grand entrance and we heard those first screams, everyone piled into the room, eager to know if you were a boy or girl, and I remember announcing, "It's a girl!"

A few hours later, still early in the morning, I woke in my hospital bed and I saw your bassinet at my bedside. My head was fuzzy and I was completely exhausted and then the biggest smile spread across my face. I looked to my left. Your daddy was conked out on a cot. And I looked to my right, and there was the most beautiful bundle of life I'd ever laid eyes on. That memory is forever fixed in my heart. In the momentary and fleeting quiet of the hospital room, it was as if time stood still. The memories from the night before came rushing back to me..."could it be? Did I really have a ..... girl?" Lo and behold, I read the card taped to the side of your bassinet and it read, "Baby Girl." And I was overcome with joy and I cried and I thanked God.

Sister, I'd wanted to have a girl so bad. I'd prayed for a girl. I remember sitting on the folding table in the laundry mat, not daring to write it in my prayer journal, for fear if you'd been a boy, but telling God that I really wanted a baby girl.

When the doctor announced, "it's a girl" I was overwhelmed. And in that little slice of quiet, of waking early that morning and breathing in the reality that you'd arrived and that God had seen fit to bless us with a baby girl, I was overcome with joy.

You are precious. You are wonderful. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has made you intentionally and with great care and purpose. Every detail of your being, He lovingly knit together, from the length of your legs, to the perfect way He placed each freckle on your cheeks. You are a darling gift and God has a wonderful plan for your life.

Last night I shared your birth story with you, the very one I've written here, Little Man was sitting on the sofa with us. I added in how I'd wanted you to be a girl, and then how with Little Man, Daddy had hoped he would be a boy. You stopped me and said, "Mama, isn't God so graceful? (You meant gracious.) He knew you wanted a girl and He created me for you and then He knew daddy wanted a boy and He created Little Man for him. I mean, God is really graceful." That's you, Sister.

And I love your honesty. You crack me up. I hope you will always come to me and share your thoughts and your hopes and your dreams.

You are incredibly creative. I love watching your wheels turn. And perhaps it's selfishness on my part, but I love seeing bits of myself in you. I love that you LOVE getting notes. I feel like we have a sort of secret language...note writing. And this new love of sewing! Oh my. It is wonderful. I cannot believe how opinionated you are! And I love you for it. It's wonderful to know exactly what fabric you want and where.

My darling daughter, God has shown me His goodness and mercy and love in and through you. You are a gift from Him. I am treasuring these years with you. They are going so fast and I pray I am investing wisely. You teach me much! I love you, my treasure. More than anything else, I want you to know you have been bought with a price. A very high price. Death on a cross. You are of great worth and you have a gracious and merciful heavenly Father. I pray you will grow to love Him with every fiber of your being and that whether in life or in death, your eyes remain fixed on Him. He is good. I love you.

Happy sixth birthday sweet girl!!!

In-Dept-Indence Day

We got invited to a party...an In-Dept-Indence Day party. How very fitting.

Some friends of ours drank the kool-aid and decided to live radically...and get out of debt. Today they mailed their final payment to Sally-Mae. Shortly thereafter, they gave us a call and suggested we hold the phone back so they could scream, "WE'RE DEBT FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" and then they drove past our house screaming, "FREEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Pretty stinkin' cool.

Have you heard of Dave Ramsey? He teaches a radical concept...live on less than you make. It's Biblical and sound. We got "on board" several years ago and it has been life changing. Hard, but so good. Marriage changing. Hands down, AWESOME. We love Dave. (And one day, Lord willing, we're going to have a mortgage burning party. One day.)

An 80th Birthday

Someone I love very much just had a birthday. A big birthday. An 80th birthday. To celebrate, the extended fam gathered at the Lake House, our old stomping grounds. I've only been once in the last several years. As a child, I spent many a weekend there. It was good to be back, but it was hard. A lot of memories live in those walls.

My grandfather patiently allowed Sister to "decorate" his head...and in love, he wore those party hats for quite a little while. (We decided he looked rather dinosaur-ish, rather appropriate for an 80th birthday, no?)

We got in more time with my baby sister's baby - he's almost two! He's a mess and I love him. I can't wait for the day I can tote him home with me and keep him for several days. No doubt he and Little Man will be T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

After Little Bit went down for her first nap, and got up cloaked in sweat, she spent most of the remainder of the weekend in nothing but her diaper. Considering all the cute clothes I packed, that was rather unfortunate, but life. (smile)

I spent a few minutes reminiscing as I stared at my grandmother's hydrangeas.They remind me of her. I miss her. I really wish I'd had the chance to know her now, as a wife and mother. I would love to have just one conversation with her. We bonded during my high school years and I got to see a side of her I don't think many saw. It was shortly after that that her mind really began barreling down hill. I really think God was preparing her for what lay ahead. I think somewhere deep down, she knew her time was drawing near. She shared a lot about things she would have done differently. Maybe that's normal as we age. I don't know. I just know I treasure those quiet times of conversation when it was just the two of us. While she is still living (in a full time care facility), her mind has been gone (due to Alzheimer's disease) for a very long time. I really miss her.

The neighbor beside the lake house has always had a black lab and they've always named her (or him) after the Prime Minister. This is Blair. She and Little Man had a lot of fun together. As you can see.

And middle sister's sweet baby girl. Precious. Inquisitive. And growing. Weren't we just expecting together? How has the time flown!!!??? (I can't wait to tote her home, too! She and Little Bit are B.F.F.s.)

Little Man was afraid to get in...at first. And then, there was no stopping him. He swam with Blair Sunday morning before church. We're talking early - like 7:45 or 8am! (I can't imagine what we put our parents through as children at the lake. Oh my. I remember the adults "bargaining" over who would take which shift down on the dock watching the kids.)

We took a pontoon boat ride. That might have been the highlight of the weekend for me.

Oh the memories. I sat on that stained, old boat without the back cover on, without any tables set up, and the memories flooded in of what it used to be like. I remember how all the fam crammed on that boat. We were busting at the seams.

There's actually a potty in the back corner. We used to get SUCH a kick out of someone using it. We'd crawl up on the back of the boat and wait for the perfect moment to peep our heads over the top to peer down at the unfortunate user.

We'd have three tables set up - two in the front, one in the back - and my Mom and grandmother and aunts would pack all kinds of wonderful to snack on. The grandchildren would take turns driving the boat. We'd pass the baby cousins from lap to lap, waving at each and every boat that passed by. Those were some precious, sweet times.

We'd pull back into the boat house at dusk, and all the women would head up to the kitchen, where they'd cook up a feast! And then we'd all cram around a giant table and eat together. My grandfather always took the head with my grandmother to his immediate right. I often got to sit beside her (and sometimes I didn't like that - she was a stickler for manners). We always had dessert...cheesecake and klondike bars (my grandmother could eat one in TWO bites, but that's a story for another day) were a favorite.

The children were always the first to finish dinner. We'd gather our plate, cup, and utensils, thank my grandmother for dinner, and ask to be excused. The adults would sit around that table for what felt like hours. Sometimes, if we were really fortunate, my grandmother and a few other adults would play poker with us. GASP. I know. All the grandchildren knew how to play poker. However, the concept of those chips having any monetary value, was totally lost on us.

Oh the memories!!! Precious, sweet memories of years gone by.

The paint on the boat house was peeling.

The bunk beds hadn't been slept on in a while.

The downstairs fridge doesn't work anymore.

There's moss growing on part of the roof.

There were no white impatiens to welcome us.

The fridge and pantry were nearly empty.

There was no grandmother in the kitchen.

No basketball game on the tv.

No deck of cards on the card table.

And my mom wasn't there. And that was really hard.

The cousins are all grown up. This time our babies were swinging in the baby swing and eating lunch in the high chair. We were the ones toting monitors and getting a grasp on sleepless nights at the lake.

And during the entire weekend, which for me, held many ups and downs, my man was there, steady as ever. Thank You, God, for this man!